Tag

fear

I am Not My Condition

By | ePatient | One Comment

I’m Disabled. Who labels themselves? Feels like crap. I applied for disability. Needed a psychological evaluation. Spent an hour with a psychologist. I spent that hour telling her about the effect MS has had on my life. MS is seriously annoying…. Came out feeling terrible.  “Oh man, I’m disabled. My life has been so disrupted. I can’t do what I once did. Woe is me.” Lost my pathological optimism for a day. I’ve had to train myself over the years to feel sorry for myself. “OK 5 min, feel sorry.” Enough of that. It’s too boring. When I feel sorry for myself my symptoms are worse. Direct correlation.

Lots of people have it worse than me, much worse.   Read More

Fear on the Health Journey

By | Caregiver, Clinician, Consumer, ePatient, Family man, Informaticist | No Comments
Fear – an unwelcome, yet familiar, occasional companion on the health journey. A sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach. Your mind racing, reliving dreaded possibilities. Anxious panting with dreams of careening out of control. What helps? A certain companion, prayer, a drug, meditation, comedy, music, time. When I’m afraid, my family’s reassurance, a loving, lingering embrace, belly laughs, imagining my son, Mike, his arm around me, sitting with our feet dangling on the bridge to our WV home, listening to the creek rush below. The human condition contains fear – it’s inevitable. Knowing what works and what doesn’t when scared is more likely needed than your blood type or diagnoses. Why doesn’t the health team routinely keep track of this? It should be on a card in your wallet.