Last days – a bittersweet journey

She’s walking on a people mover. You know, the moving sidewalk in an airport. My mom finds herself going from blue to the sunlight. A few days ago she was alone, yesterday she saw her Opa, her father, and a beloved minister, who died decades ago, on the people mover. Wonder when or if she’ll see her husbands. She says she’s been forgiven for her worst transgression. Thank you, Lord. Today she speaks about furling. Furling?! Like a flag, I ask? Yes. Who will I be given to after I’m furled. She doesn’t want me to hurt. From you dying, I ask?  No, that’s life. You can handle life.  Then she drifts off. Her phrases have gaps of 30-90 seconds. She usually picks up where she left off. This takes listening to a new dimension. She doesn’t ask. how will I know that I’ve died? anymore. Her eyes are always closed. She’s gaunt. Her brow is smooth. Breathing regular. I’ve known this woman all my life. Oh, ma.

11 Comments

  • Sue says:

    Oh Danny, tears for your and your mother, thank you so much for giving us this gift of the small moments on this path toward what?……our source…….our oneness? love and peace to you, Sue

  • Anonymous says:

    A few weeks ago, Ruth said that she would let me know when it was time to say “good-bye”. She never told me that it was time. When I saw her yesterday, cradled in the arms of her family and spiritual community through music, I knew it was time…time to thank her for her wonderful friendship; to let her know how much I loved her; and that I would always be able to ask myself, when in doubt, “What would Ruth say?” You will always be with me, dear Ruth.
    Love Forever, Sarah

  • Anonymous says:

    Hard to believe she had any transgressions to forgive. But it’s good to know she feels at peace. You are lucky to have had her with you for so long. We were lucky to have known her.

  • Lee Sides says:

    Dear Danny,
    I love this description of your mother’s days. She is a wonderful woman & mother to you.
    She is so wise! Please give her my love, & know I am sending you my love also.

    (ex)aunt Lee

  • Anonymous says:

    Hi Danny: thanks for sharing your stories. It reminds me of my experiences with my parents, both of whom were able to stay home under hospice care and have their family as the main caregivers I was amazed at what I learned from them both just by listening and spending the time with them. I wish you the very best. Pat Rioux

  • Liz Jones says:

    With love and strength to you all.

  • God bless Ruth and the whole family.
    Stuart

  • jcudhea says:

    Danny, your words are precious to me. Bittersweet indeed. Her image of furling seems perfect: I will hold that image in my heart today and remember always. I send love to you and Ruth and Jessica and all the family and caregivers. Joan

  • Suellen Sorenson says:

    Tears streaming down my face. Thank you, Danny for sharing this most intimate moment with us. Much love to Ruth, you and all your family. Suellen

  • Hard to believe the change in grandma since Ang and I were there just one month ago – although at the same time logically it is completely predictable. Hard to reconcile. Hope she is feeling some peace. Send her my love.
    Katie

  • Marge says:

    Danny, thank you for continuing to fill us in on your mom’s progression. I am so grateful you have spent so much time with her at this time. I was glad to see you hanging out at her home when I was there on Friday. It’s so wonderful that you and Jessica have been there so fully for her. I know this is a very difficult time for you, and I also know it means the world to your mom. Blessings to you. Marge

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