Finally, narratives at the end

By September 7, 2015 Caregiver, Family man

Spread the rest of Mom’s ashes with my Dad’s in Grosse Pointe, MI, joined by some dear friends. He was her soul mate. They died 43 years apart. As she would have said, it was a great party. too bad I couldn’t be there. My narrative about my mom is still quite fluid. Sometimes she’s amazing, loving, and engaged – all in. A pathologically optimistic survivor. Other times a reluctant, troubled, somewhat abusive mother. At the end she was a hoot  — and the stories follow. Mostly, I think how alike we are. I’m loving, amazing, troubled, optimistic and a hoot. Narratives are coloring books with pages of the same outline, colored with different crayons, paints, markers, within the lines, outside the lines. I’m alternately relieved and uncomfortable with the narrative of troubled mother. Sort of like the narrative of me as disabled rather than healthier than I’ve ever been (except for the MS). Troubled and disabled are true.  I just can’t live there for too long – 5 minutes as a time? I’m affected by other people’s narrative about me, especially negative ones. When I’m strong, my positive narrative trumps, when I’m weaker, the negative narratives wear me down.  What narratives do you have about yourself and those in your world? How do they affect you and them? Narratives are certainly magic levers of best health. Oh, ma, the narratives of you are spiced with love.  I miss them all.

6 Comments

  • Sue says:

    Oh Danny, this one brought me to tears–once again you get into words the most complicated thoughts and feelings about love and loss and the double paths we always walk. Thank you!

  • Bill Kelly says:

    Danny, your thoughts and memories like that of so many of us regarding our loved ones who have died. They are bitter sweet but spiced with a love that never goes stale. Like life itself, spiced with good and bad times, I would say only that love is enduring, understanding and compassionate though no doubt frustrating, challenging and simultaneously and absolutely fantastic.

  • Loretta says:

    Life is a rainbow that comes after the tears; how rich and beautiful, as well as hard and sticky!

  • Anonymous says:

    Danny, thank you. I still play bridge where your Mom and I had many good times. I think of her often and still can’t believe she is gone. My love to you and the family. Benita

  • Anonymous says:

    OOPs…that was Mary Sue, AKA anonymous!

  • Anonymous says:

    So glad to be a part of your narrative. You are amazing and you are doing amazing!

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