Three Words for the Year

CareGiving.com is sponsoring Note to Ourselves For 2016 and Three Words for 2017

My Note to Myself: Continue to do what I’m doing. Appreciate the small stuff (fresh running water, regular garbage pickup). Appreciate living within our means. Appreciate the warm rocks of my honey and my family. Appreciate my empathetic and skilled health team. Stick to my health and safety routine every day. Mentor bright young minds. Have fun when collaborating to do good work.

Three words: Balance. Caregivers. Onward.

Balance – Family, exercise, music, work. In that order

Caregivers – I do the work I do for caregivers – Honor the caregivers, help the helpers. We couldn’t exist without them.

Onward – Moving stuff an inch that has 10 miles to go, requires one foot in front of the other.

Happy New Year!!! Here we go – weeeee

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

Decisions, decisions, decisions. We face endless numbers of decisions during our health journeys. From the mundane, should I fast to lose weight? To the tedious, what statin should I take? To the heartbreak, should we do everything possible? Yesterday, after playing music, someone told us that he fasted to lose 20 pounds. How many weight loss discussions have we had in an endless number of settings. I can remember one time discussing it with my Primary Care doctor – no decision, no choice of action – just an observation that my weight had been steadily increasing over the years. My cholesterol is high, and my Dad died young of a heart attack (not from high cholesterol). I’ve taken six different statins. My Primary Care doc thinks the evidence is strong for me to take statins. We regularly change brand based on effects on my liver enzymes, cost, and insurance coverage.  A friend’s elder mother had major heart surgery. The cardiac surgeon reported success, she’s doing great – the blockage was successfully removed. She’s still in a coma, intubated. She’s never had end-of-life conversations, no advanced directives. Her husband will want to do everything possible. No decisions lead to a decision. Continue reading “Decisions, Decisions, Decisions”

Giving Thanks

thanksI’m thankful for my superpower that I shared with my mother, Ruth, and son, Mike – accepting what is.

I’m thankful that I was born a  white straight male to a closeted gay dad, Ruben, and a Holocaust survivor, Ruth – I appreciate that I have first world problems and learned from them that I must act to better the world.

I’m thankful that my best friend is my life partner and care partner – I strive to be equal to her love.

I’m thankful for my extended family, characters all.

I’m thankful for a 40+ year career as a nurse – privileged to serving during people’s most vulnerable moments.

I’m thankful that I was invited to join my grandmother, mother, and son during their end-of-life journeys.

I’m thankful that my grown sons love the strong women they married, revel in fatherhood, and contribute to community well-being – they keep me honest.

I’m thankful for my grandsons – OMG, what can I say?! Continue reading “Giving Thanks”

Superpower: Opening our hearts

I’m scared but not shocked. The level of disappointment so many people feel about their lives profoundly saddens me. I should have more. I would have more if it weren’t for others – all sorts of others. Feelings of injustice can power so much. I don’t pretend to understand all the righteousness, anger, and meanness that erupt when disappointment builds. But it feels as familiar as the human condition throughout the planet and over the ages. It’s like earthquakes from fracking.  I’m thankful that my mother, a Holocaust survivor, is no longer alive. She would be apoplectic and inconsolable.  What’s going to happen now? How should I act? As when grieving, I will mindfully minimize controllable stress – exercise, rest, listen to and play more music, spend more time with friends and family. I will continue to give thanks for all I have in my first world life. I will continue to pursue my passion for maximizing the experience of people at the center of care. I pray for the physical and spiritual strength to speak up, stand up, and act when the moments seems right. I’ll need strength to take the high road in this low road time. More than anything I’ll pray for unexpected open hearts. The community needs it. Our grandchildren need it.  The unborn need it. Onward.

Stranger in a Strange Land

OMGdpdrmultiface, where’s my wife? I need to be rescued. I can’t do this. I can’t be here. My pounding heart, my rapid, shallow breathing. I can’t be here. Where’s my Ativan?! Have I gotten bad news, a diagnosis, felt a lump? Am I bleeding? Have I fallen? Am I a stranger in the strange land of the medical industrial complex?

No, I’m on a Blues Cruise. I want to play the blues with other amateurs. They are the amateurs that are not headliners. They have blues bands of their own and play regular gigs wherever they live.  I am an old, baby amateur. I’m the only horn player at this session. I don’t know the tunes. I don’t know what key they’re playing in. I am SO way over my head. It could just as well be a gaggle of 8-year old’s trading Pokémon cards. Continue reading “Stranger in a Strange Land”

Life literacy – If you can’t explain it to a six year old…

I plstudentsay baritone saxophone in community Latin and blues funk bands.  Our professional musician leader teaches us the language of music theory – this week it’s Minor Dorian and Lydian scales. As an amateur I understand about a third of what he’s talking about. Still better than a quarter understood six months ago. In Washington this week I reviewed funding applications for PCORI (Patient Centered Outcomes Research Institute).  I serve as a patient reviewer. I made a point about the impact that the frailty of a person with congestive heart failure might have on readmission to the hospital. The review leader asked me if I meant xxxxxxxx (something about the methodology of the research study).  I had to say, probably not, since I didn’t understand a word you just said. I understand about 2/3 of the scientific conversation at thesparents-teachers-meeting-vinod-school_b2840c36-5634-11e6-bc43-9f8bec77897ce sessions. I also take part in calls for OpenID HEART Working Group that intends to harmonize and develop a set of privacy and security specifications that enable an individual to control the authorization of access to RESTful health-related data sharing APIs, and to facilitate the development of interoperable implementations of these specifications by others. I still don’t really understand those words. I understand about 25% of the conversation, up from the 5% understanding when I started a year or so ago. Continue reading “Life literacy – If you can’t explain it to a six year old…”

I’m So Discouraged

Several times this week I heard a variation on: I’m so discouraged, I thought I was doing better. I just keep sliding back. I really suck at this. The topics: meditating every day, losing weight, managing anxiety, soloing, recovering from surgery. I heard each from more than one person. Several people said it about multiple things. One person, me, said it about losing weight and soloing. Two things strike me here. First, sucking and second sliding back. Can’t we give ourselves a break and celebrate that we’re trying? I’m trying to meditate every day, lose weight, improve my mental health, solo on my sax!!!! Yippee for me. Yippee for us!!! Recovering, healing, learning, changing habits doesn’t happen in a straight upward line, steadily better. It’s two steps forward, one step back. It’s up and down, first wildly so, then smaller cycles of up and down, over time with forward progress. Looking at just 2 data points only frustrates us, since we tend to recognize the down after the up, rather than the up after the down. In each of the scenarios someone heard the other and provided a good job, way to go, keep it up, keep me posted, call me anytime

I honor you’re work of healing, learning, recovering. Good job, way to go, keep me posted, call me anytime.

Screen-Free Sabbath

Week 3 of my wife and my Screen-Free Sabbath. Feels pretty good. After the first week it feels like a relief.  I’m reading more books – paper and not Kindle. Turned off my e-mail and social media notifications. They were all still there at sundown Saturday. No emergencies. Sitting still more often – some alone, some with my wife.  Got my recumbent trike out, tuned up and rode it. Had to buy some paper Sudoku books. It affects my week as well. I’m looking at the phone less often, meditating more. Still using the iPhone for texts and phone calls-have only received a few. Using it when playing my sax: playing my recorded rehearsals, metronome, etc. Sitting on the bus or subway more often looking at people and not the screen. Noticing the blue sky and spring colors. My grandson freaked out: Will I have to do it too? All week? OMG. He’s relieved that it’s just Grandma and Opa and not him, unless he’s at our flat sundown Friday to sundown Saturday.  I’ve spoken to several parents who have 5-7p screen-free every day, others do a 24-hour period as we do.

Continue reading “Screen-Free Sabbath”

Engaged with Sax

Shopping for a new neurologist I had three screening questions:

  • What’s your response time to emails?
  • Do you use OpenNotes?
  • How would you work with my acupuncturist?

The first doc said, ‘I don’t use email, we don’t have a portal. What are OpenNotes? What do you mean you’re shopping for a neurologist? You either want me or you’re wasting my time.’ 

The second doc said, ‘If you email me, my nurse practitioner or I will get back to you within two business days. If you need us sooner, call my office.

Of course, we have OpenNotes. If I get something wrong, let me know. I know a lot about drugs and therapeutics and how they affect groups of people. But, I don’t know anything about you. My job is to learn more about you, and we’ll test different drugs and therapeutics and see what works for you. You are an experiment of one.

Oh, you use acupuncture? You’ll have to educate me. I don’t know much about that. I’m interested in anything that helps my patients. Seems like everything works for someone. And by the way, how’d I do? We could have some fun together.’
Continue reading “Engaged with Sax”

Last Post, New Year

Last post of 2015. Reviewing the year in 51 blog posts, we discussed:

  • Death and Dying
  • Give Me My Dam Data
  • Values
  • Leadership
  • Work/Life balance
  • Grace
  • Ignorance, Uncertainty, Research
  • Music
  • Caregivers
  • Experience of People at the Center
  • And more

I’m looking forward to the adventure of the new year: Maintaining my health, contributing to the experience of we people at the center, playing the blues, watching my grandkids grow, hearing from you.

From Mark Twain:

  • All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.